


New Rules

by Echoes Whispers and Dark Thoughts (LostInTheEchoOfLife04)



Category: Point Break (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-09-13 01:54:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16883394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheEchoOfLife04/pseuds/Echoes%20Whispers%20and%20Dark%20Thoughts
Summary: Background: Bodhi thought that the wave was the end but it was just the beginning. A new chance at life and keeping up his desire to repay the earth.Desiree ended her relationship with a manipulative boyfriend and spent years following her own dreams which lead her to the FBI. More importantly a spot on a team headed by Utah.Their goals are the same but can Bodhi follow the new rules while Desiree struggles not to resurrect some old ones.





	1. Fighter

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Angst, drama

 

 

That bright white light, so this was it; this was death and heaven or hell was welcoming him. The white light began to fade though and he felt himself start to panic, what did that mean? Was he being rejected from both? Suddenly it hit him, he wasn’t dead. The light was an overhead light and his vision was focusing after having his eyes closed for so long. Blinking slowly he tried to lick his lips only to discover a tube in his mouth, he was intubated? He started to lift a hand to pull it out but found himself restrained which only caused him to start to thrash as much as he was able.

“Hey easy Bodhi… easy man!”

That voice he recognized and his eyes shifted off to his right, Utah sat in a chair next to him. Dressed in a suit no less and looking like he’d barely slept in days, looking at him he could see relief in his gaze before he shook his head.

“You didn’t really think I’d just let you go out there and die did you?” Reaching into his pocket he pulled out something and held it up, it was small so Bodhi couldn’t focus clearly on it but he had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it was. “GPS tag, hit you with one when we were saying goodbye. Sorry brother but I wasn’t ready to lose you just yet.” A nurse came in a moment later and he tried to motion again to the tube in his mouth when the two finally seemed to catch a clue she stated she’d go check with the doctor about removing it. Thirty minutes crawled by before she returned and went through the process of pulling the tube, it burned like hell and he coughed hard for a few moments afterwards before she offered him a sip of water. It felt weird to feel the liquid slide down his throat, how long had he been laid up like this? He’d have loved to get the drink himself but he was still tied down. The nurse left after checking his vitals and he turned his attention towards Utah again, “So you saved my life just to watch me rot away in prison?”

“Not necessarily Mr… Bodhi is it?”

His head shifted slowly towards a dark skinned man walking into the room who just screamed ‘boss’ with every step. Utah came to his feet out of the corner of his eye and walked over to him. “Bodhi, Instructor Hall… hear him out.” An eyebrow lifted and he focused on Mr Hall before giving him a ‘well?’ look. The man shook his head and chuckled, “You’d better be right about this Utah.” Holding up a file he had in his hands he motioned to the restraints on Bodhi, “He’s gonna need his hands.” Utah moved over and began to release him. Lifting his arms even just a little bit told him just how sore he was. When the folder was offered to him he took it.

“Thanks to you and your friends little escapades we did at least learn something, corporations are violating environmental agreements behind closed doors. Thanks to Utah and Dr Monroe’s work they’ve come up with a handful of big name companies in clear violation-” Instructor Hall gave him a minute or two to glance through the file, he’d heard of a few of the companies listed often being praised for their commitment to leaving as little a carbon footprint as possible; he mentally snorted yeah right. Glancing back at Instructor Hall he nodded for him to continue, “-Unfortunately they are not within US jurisdiction so our hands are tied legally speaking. Not that that has stopped Utah before and it certainly wouldn’t stop Dr. Monroe, so they came to me with this little plan. The only caveat of course was Utah insisted he needed you as a member of the team, so how about it Mr Bodhi… you want a job?”

They were offering him a job helping to stop these people by using a team outside of the law? Bodhi wasn’t sure if someone up there liked him or hated him, either way he was still breathing and now he had a chance to give back like he’d been trying to while completing the 8 only this time he was doing it with the FBI’s help. Shaking his head he sighed, “Beats prison I guess.” He’d always been a fighter, at least now maybe he was fighting on the right side. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She’d been tapping her pencil on her desk for probably thirty minutes, all this time and work; what if they were denied? God that would suck, she loved her job but she hated being stuck at a desk. Heck she’d joined the FBI to travel, to fix problems and to help people; after finally finishing her Doctorate studies it had been the first place she’d applied. Glancing at the diploma on her wall shadowboxed with her honor cords, that had been such a big moment. After everything with Matt had ended it was all she could focus on, all the things she’d given up and walked away from for him. Shaking her head absently at those thoughts Desiree jumped when her phone rang picking it up she noticed the name on the caller id immediately, “Utah! Is he awake? Did he agree?”

“Nice to hear you too Des, right to the point as always.”

Groaning she rolled her eyes, “No time for small talk I am literally dying of boredom as we speak so spill man!”

“Yes he’s awake and yes he agreed. Still gonna take time to get him back up to speed, he’s been in a hospital bed for a week. Patience, Des.”

Leaning on her elbow she sighed heavily into the phone, “Not one of my virtues Utah but I get it. We need him at 100% after all, you two are gonna be very busy.”

“No kidding and we’re all gonna be busy, we need that big brain of yours after all. But we’re a go so start getting your stuff ready, Hall wants you to fly here to meet up with us. Once Bodhi is up and going we’ll head out from here so you’d better have a plan of action ready.”

Snorting she wrinkled her nose at the comment, “I’ve had a plan of action ready for 3 week pal. Just waiting on you and your buddy is all, anyway I gotta go if I’ve got a flight to catch.” Glancing at the clock she sighed, “See you in about 7 hours.”

“Be safe Desi, I’ll have a car waiting to get you at the airport.”

Shutting down her machines she packed up her laptop and anything else she felt she might need for their mission, before she was practically bouncing out of her office. Giving one of her coworkers a wave she headed towards the elevator and on her way out doors as soon as she reached the floor she needed. Throwing her stuff into her car she climbed in and made a beeline straight for home, at least it wasn’t rush hour traffic that would have been a nightmare but it was all part of living in DC after all. There’d been no such thing as rush hour before, she hadn’t even had to bother driving herself unless she just wanted to, one of the perks of having a boyfriend with more money than any human being possibly needed. Of course now she knew how he’s gotten it all and it made her stomach turn, black market business deals, lots of illegal purchases and all of it right under her nose.

It hadn’t been the make or break no that had happened after her miscarriage and his subsequent behavior not only towards her but their relationship in general, if she’d even stopped to think about his actions before that she’d have realized how controlling he was but it got so much worse then. Hitting the keyfob to disarm the alarm on her apartment as she pulled into the drive she headed inside to pack, that felt like another life though now. She’d done everything she wanted to do with her education and now she was finally going to be able to put it to the test.  Approaching her door she noticed a box and paused before slowly approaching, it hadn’t been shipped it had been placed. Giving it a little shove with her foot off the side and fell open, among the packing peanuts a familiar sight; a white leather collar with a blue diamond in the center surrounded by other equally expensive and colorful gems. Swallowing hard she shook her head, no he wasn’t going to intimidate her like that. Leaving the box where it fell she unlocked the door and headed inside to grab her go back and other things she would need.

Traveling meant that he couldn’t find her again, that was good she’d already gotten tired of bouncing around from place to place just in DC alone. He wasn’t threatening ever, just subtle reminders that she could only assume were his way of trying to remind her who she belonged too but that was the old Desiree Monroe. She wasn’t that naive girl anymore and no matter what he’d taught her, she no longer belonged to him. He’d given that up when he’d begun to take everything away from her as punishment for something that hadn’t even been her fault to begin with. Once she was sure she had everything she needed she stepped out, locking the door behind her and rearming the alarm. Her neighbor wandered out and she gave a smile as she tossed her bags into the car, “Gonna be gone for work for a while Mrs Miller, keep an on things for me will you?” The older woman nodded before Desi picked up the box shoving the collar back into it and promptly depositing it in the trash, he had to be watching or had someone watching they would fetch it once she was gone.

Climbing into her car she on her favorite mix of traveling tunes and headed towards the airport, it had been a lot of work getting the green light on this project but she was glad it had finally happened. Security checks and baggage checks were a breeze when you flashed a badge and scanned your prints, before long she was seated on the plane and watching out the window at DC faded into the distance. Leaning back in her seat she sighed putting her earbuds in and turning on her music, seven hours on a plane wasn’t that long maybe she’d catch a nap and forget all about that gift left on her porch. There were other things to think about anyway, their new assignment, a new team member and of course maybe finally getting to have some fun out in the field. 

 


	2. Bossy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, drama

“Okay now look, I’m the leader of the team cause I’m the senior field agent but Des, sorry Dr. Monroe is the boss.”

Glancing at Utah, Bodhi raised a brow. Des huh? Desmond or something and a Doctor. Obviously whoever this guy was had managed a lot of pull or had a lot of evidence to back up the FBI sanctioning an off the books job like this. He’d spent most of the evening and morning while drinking the awful hospital coffee reading over the file from his bed. At least they’d finally let him get up and walk around for a bit this morning. He was sore but nothing unbearable, at least he was still alive right? A little soreness was a small price to pay for that considering he’d accepted the moment he got out on the water that day he wouldn’t be coming back. Utah moved to his feet and paused at the end of the bed waving at someone and rather than indulge his curiosity he focused his attention back on the file in his hands.

A sound was what drew him from it, clicks against the floor. Specific clicks, heels? Lifting his attention from the file he was sort of shocked to see a gorgeous young woman in a very nice business suit, immediately being greeted by Utah with a big bear hug. The suit was perfectly tailored to her and the heels gave her just enough height to make her presence feel more confident than girls night out. Nails were painted, black? And he noticed ink around her right wrist peeking out from beneath the cuff of her suit jacket. So not a total good girl but definitely not a bad one either, that was interesting.

“There she is! Des, err sorry Dr. Desiree Monroe.”

It hadn’t been hard to find once the nurses had seen her FBI credentials they’d pointed her right towards the room, it had helped though seeing Utah waving her in. She knew what was coming at the grin on his face and prepared herself for the hug. “Utah, good to see you as always. And Des is fine, just title when the big bosses are around I’ve told you that.” Turning her attention towards the bed she’d seen the mug shots but they didn’t really do the man in front of her any justice at all. He had that very broody, deep thinker look about him and she noticed a look in his eyes: Utah was right he’d given up.

Desi knew that feeling herself but she’d got a second chance so maybe it would be good for him. There was definitely still a lot of that alpha male vibe there too being as his presence in the room seemed to fill it but it wasn’t suffocating. Flashing a polite smile before making her way over to the side of the bed. Holding out her right hand she immediately noticed he was reading over the file, “Bodhi, very nice to meet you I’ve heard ‘good’ things about you.”

He reached out taking hold of her hand, it was soft but not so soft that she didn’t seem to do anything at all. No, she worked hard but also took care of herself which was equally important. “Dr. Monroe, can’t say the same and I’m sure it wasn’t all good, obviously you know how I landed here.” Screw it if he was going to be working with her she needed to know how he was from the jump so he drew her hand in closer pressing a kiss to the back of it. Huh, her skin smelled like spruce, something else too and was that cedar?

Both scents he knew were used to promote strength and help ground a person. So there was a whole lot more to this Dr Monroe than he’d original thought. What was just as interesting was her reaction to his action she didn’t blush or try to jerk her hand away, her head just shifted ever so slightly into a tilt sending a cascade of her dark hair tumbling from behind an ear. Something briefly flickered through those intensely blues eyes of hers but it was fast he couldn’t read it like he did with Utah.

“Warned you he’s a charmer with ladies.”

Utah’s comment was what made her chuckle as she finally drew her hand back, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions Bodhi but your mistake can work in our favor. And please call me Des or Desiree, I’m still not used to Dr Monroe.” It was a sweet gesture the kiss to her hand but Desi wasn’t falling for it, she wasn’t so easy to impress anymore. Matt had fixed that for just about anyone much to her dismay, anything she might have taken for a flirt or interest in her as something other than a friend was squashed instantly in her own mind. Despite the years she’d spent trying to break that particular conditioning he’d put her through it still crept in when she least expected it, “So how’s our patient doing? Any word from the medical professionals?”

“Nurses said the doctor would be here in about an hour to give him a check up, if he’s all clear they’ll cut him loose.And hey you worked your ass off on that title Des, you should be proud of it.”

Bodhi was sort of surprised by the quote she’d spoke, it was fitting for the situation. He’d thought he was moving towards nirvana but obviously considering all that went south he’d been going about it all wrong. Still she managed to spin it to something positive and the insistence that he call her by name rather than her professional title was something else as well. “As you wish.”  Okay she was good, really good; he would have to watch out for her.

Utah was his friend, his brother of that much he was certain, but this woman was something else. Watching as she made her way over to stand with Utah he noticed her hands behind her back now and her left hand absently plucking at something around her wrist, a hair tie? On the same wrist with the ink? There was most definitely more to Des then she was showing, it was a therapy technique he’d heard about a few years back. Something to distract when unhealthy habits or behaviors reared their heads. “So what kind of doctor are you, Des?”

She’d been about to argue with Utah about it when the question came and she turned her attention back to him, blue eyes studying him for a moment. It was an innocent enough question after all, she doubted Utah had bothered to mention it and obviously the files he had didn’t include the dossiers like hers had. “My Ph D is in Ecology. Studying the earth itself and figuring out where things are going wrong and how we might be able to fix it.” It was a big might in a lot of cases, human beings had well to put it frankly been destroying the planet for so long that people in her field were literally running marathon after marathon trying to keep up. “It’s quite literally a full time job, working for the FBI seems more like part time.”

An arm went around her shoulders pulling her into his side as Utah grinned, “But she’s good at it. Hell I’ve learned a lot from her.” His hand lifted from her shoulder a finger tapping at the side of her head, “Believe me when I say just about everything we’re gonna need to know is right here thanks to her what is is… “ He snapped his fingers on his other hand a few times and Desi sighed, “Eidetic memory.” Utah made an affirmative noise and grinned, “She remembers everything.”

Bodhi watched the pair, they seemed like old friends rather than colleagues so obviously they spent time together outside of work. Definitely not dating though, it seemed more brother and sister by the forms of affection. So she was an Eco warrior with a pedigree, made sense they never minded getting dirty if it meant achieving their goals. He blinked some at the word, he’d heard it but he couldn’t quite recall what it meant until Utah continued, so she was one of those. “Remembers everything?” That sounded more like a curse than a blessing to him, there were plenty of things in recent memory he’d rather forget. Roach, Chowder, Grommet and Samsara; all gone because they’d chosen to follow him. Shaking his head absently he was grateful when the doctor walked in asking the pair to step out while he was examined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what do you think?”

The question broke her from her thoughts and her gaze from the room, she couldn’t hear what was being said but reading lips wasn’t that hard. It was looking good so far, turning her attention towards Utah she sighed, “You were right. He was ready to die out there.” Shrugging her shoulders some she finally forced herself to stop snapping the band at her wrist and crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s gonna need some adjustment I mean yeah he can do the job, but we’re gonna have to watch him make sure he doesn’t get back into that suicidal mindset again.” The wounds were still fresh; she knew all about all the people he’d lost in pursuit of achieving the 8. Utah had told her about each one over the course of a few weeks during the time Bodhi was off the radar.

“I’ll keep an eye on him, he’ll come through for us. Just gotta convince him that this second chance is more important than achieving the 8.”

Shifting a hand she smoothed it over his upper arm in a soothing gesture, Utah was still hurt by it too Desi knew well. He’d grown close them, it had been hard not too they were his people before he’d become FBI. It was difficult to keep that separation line when you understood someone as deeply as he had them. “I’ll keep an eye on both of you, I’m the steady point in this as Instructor Hall loved to point out. It’s my job to keep you two on the straight and narrow.” The doctor came out then announcing he was free to go but insisting he take it easy for at least another couple of days. That wasn’t so bad, they had a few days before they were to fly out anyway so there was time.

Utah said he’d go back in and deal with Bodhi while she made the call to Instructor Hall. Pulling her phone out of her pocket she hit the speed dial button and waited a ring, then two before that deep familiar voice answered.

> “Dr. Monroe, I take it things are going well?”
> 
> “Yes Sir, just got word from the doctor Bodhi  is cleared to leave.”
> 
> “That’s good. Got the three of you set up in a suite at the local hotel, enjoy it where you are going it’s gonna be the nicest place you’ll see for a long time.”
> 
> “Figured as much Sir. The specifics came through my email this morning as I arrived, we’ll go check in and I’ll start running over the plan with them.”
> 
> “Des?”
> 
> “Yes, Sir?”
> 
> “Don’t mess this up, don’t let them mess this up. You sold this to the board, they signed off but only because you are in charge. Once you are out there we can’t help you, without those boys you’re a sitting duck so do not hesitate to remind them you are the boss. Got it?”
> 
> “Got it, Sir.”
> 
> “Be safe kid.”

Hanging up she sighed leaning back against the wall, no pressure right? Letting out a slow breath she caught movement to her left and shifted catching sight of Bodhi and Utah stepping out into the hallway. Putting her phone away she straightened up and smiled at them, “Well come on guys got our hotel reservation, we’ll head over and get settled first. I’m sure we could all use a shower, meal and some downtime before we lay out the ground rules.”

“Ground rules? Oh come on Des, you’re not gonna baby us are you?”

Glancing at Utah those blues turned almost steely, “Oh knowing you alone I am definitely putting down ground rules.” Making her way to the elevator she could feel them both flanking her as she pushed the button for the parking garage, Utah more than likely had his vehicle there.  Stepping in once it opened they followed and the doors shut, “I’m not saying there’s no down time but there has to be a clear line between work and play. You might be the Senior field agent but this is my operation and if you screw it up it’s my ass on the line.” There was a ding as they arrived at the floor and the doors opened, turning she face them both, “Understood?”

“Yes, Des.”

Bodhi was more than a little amused by the whole speech but he could understand, he’d been more or less the same way with their side jobs they’d done while working to complete the 8 except he’d given them too much leadway. Obviously Des wasn’t going to make the same mistake he did and he smiled down at her, “Yes Ma’am.”

Turning she slipped on her sunglasses as they stepped out into the parking garage, “Good. Glad we understand each other. Utah which way to the car?”


	3. I Won't Back Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Angst, Drama, mentions of previous abusive relationship

Bodhi had really thought Utah was kidding when he said not to even attempt to mess with Des. He hadn’t planned on it really but given they had a few days before they needed to head out she’d kindly given them free reign so he and Utah had done what they did best. Surfed a lot and then of course a big party the night before they headed out. To be fair she’d warned them as they headed out the door, they were leaving out in the morning so sleep was recommended. Neither had listened and now they were both paying for it in spades. The rude awakening had come at 5am when he woke to ice cold water in his face, shooting straight up he wiped his hands over his face before he found her standing there smiling.

“Morning finally, time to get moving.”

Shifting his gaze towards the door he spotted Utah with a towel so obviously he’d gotten the same wake up call. Shaking his head he frowned, “You know probably not a good idea to wake someone who almost drowned by throwing water into their face, maybe?” She’d been heading for the doorway that lead out of his room and paused flashing  a smile as she glanced back at him.

“The water was a last resort, I’ve wasted half an hour trying to get the two of you up. You were both warned, coffee is on the table with some bagels. I’d suggest you get moving.”

He watched as she disappeared past Utah who was shaking his head, “Told you man. Can’t mess with her.”

Groaning he shifted out of bed, his body was sore not as much as it had been when he’d woken up in the hospital. The sunshine and surf had helped there a lot, just being out in nature again made him feel whole again. “Wasn’t trying to, of course she’s gonna be wide awake and ready to go she slept all night.” That got a look from Utah and he glanced down the hallway before stepping into the room.

“You didn’t see her? Seriously, I could have sworn you were staring right at her a few times.”

Bodhi lifted a brow at him, “What?” He thought about last night at the party, it had been on the beach. There had been a lot of beautiful women and a lot of alcohol among other things. He’d avoided anything save for a couple of beers which was why he thankfully wasn’t hungover today otherwise his reaction would have been way worse to her choice of a wake up call. Getting dressed he went to packing his bag and let his mind run over last night, things had been alright. It had been a beautiful night, laughing and chatting with Utah among a group. He spotted something over by the bonfire though and now that he really thought about it, it had to have been Des.

A black halter mesh dress with a black bikini beneath it, a familiar tattoo around her wrist that looked like Sanskrit or possibly Arabic had him curious as to what it said. There was more ink though on her lower back, it wasn’t as clean though as the tattoo at her wrist and he’d probably spent ten minutes trying and failing to figure out what it was. She was just dancing to the music and what really surprised him was that not a single guy made a move to join her. When his attention had been drawn back to his little group for just a few minutes and he finally glanced back, the woman had been gone.

Once he was packed up he threw his bag over his shoulder and headed out of the room towards the main living area of the suite. Utah was already there bagel mid bite and cup of coffee in hand, his bag sitting on the floor next to the door. Placing his bag down he picked up a cup of coffee and pulled off the lid before Utah quickly swallowed his bite.

“I’d check that first.”

Glancing at him he lifted the cup to his nose taking a sniff before he took a curious sip. It was perfect, just the way he liked it and Utah smiled. Before he could even say it Bodhi held up his hand, “Yeah I get it. She’s good.” The subject of the comment wandered into the room with her own bags, one obviously clothes and the other more than likely whatever tech she needed. She was dressed differently much differently than she had been the first day he’d met her; khaki colored hip hugging cargo pants, a black tank top with a flannel patterned over shirt on top sleeves rolled up to her elbows. That tattoo was on full view again, “What’s it mean?”

Wandering over to pick up her own cup she glanced at him taking a sip, “This?” Holding up her right arm so he could see it better she watched Bodhi nod. Those blues rolled over to Utah and she chuckled, “What did I tell you when you asked?” Utah chuckled and shook his head shoving the last bite of bagel into his mouth and swallowing it down with a gulp of coffee.

“Nothing, said the meaning was for you and for you alone. For anyone else it’s just a pretty tattoo that they won’t understand.”

Shifting her gaze back to Bodhi she watched his expression shift before he reached out a hand slowly as if asking permission. Considering it for a moment she finally nodded absently taking another sip of her coffee while he held her wrist and examined it. He was trying to figure it out. Utah had too but he’d ultimately given up, accepting that she wasn’t about to give up that particular secret. His fingers were rough and yet surprisingly gentle before he finally let go and chuckled, shaking his head.

“Just full of surprises aren’t you?”

Letting her arm drop down to her side she shrugged, “I’d be terribly boring without them I can assure you.” It was a lie, a big lie but he didn’t know any better and she wasn’t about to enlighten either of them. Glancing at the clock she sighed, “Car should be here soon to take us to the airport.” Setting her coffee down she grabbed one of the spare hair ties she kept in her bag, not touching the one around her wrist that wasn’t for holding hair anyway. Gathering her hair up she tied it up into a messy knot before Utah wandered over to them.

“So where are we off to anyway?”

When she smiled big Utah groaned and she laughed more at the semi confused look on Bodhi’s face than Utah’s reaction. He looked between the two for a moment before he finally shook his head, “Okay I give… why is he reacting that way?”

“That look means either we aren’t going to like it or we aren’t going to like how we are getting there, so which one is it Des?”

A horn honked outside and she tossed her now empty coffee cup into the nearest trash can, nothing but net and winked at them before she picked up both her bags. “We’re going back to old stomping grounds for you two, Angel Falls. It’s the how we’re getting there you probably aren’t going to like.” Motioning to their bags she pulled the door open slipping her sunglasses back on, “I’ll drop the keys with the front desk while you to load up.” She headed down the walkway, giving a wave to their transport and motioning towards the keys in her hand. The driver gave a nod just as the guys walked out of the room closing the door behind them.

The sight of the military Humvee made Utah groan again and Bodhi glanced at him before he huffed, “Military means C130, this is gonna suck. We should have listened to her cause we sure aren’t sleeping on this ride.” Bodhi had seen them before big cargo planes, he’d imagined it was probably like flying a red eye without any of the creature comforts. Just as they’d settled their stuff into the back Desi appeared tossing her own bags in before they climbed in. Utah let her slip into the middle being she was the smallest out of the three of them. As they road she chatted with the driver and his passenger, Bodhi did his best to relax and laid his head back against the headrest throwing his arm up over the back of it.

Staring out the window it wasn’t a minute before he thought he heard something and let his gaze shift over to her or more precisely her lap. She was snapping that hairband around her wrist again and he quickly pieced together that it had started within seconds of him placing his arm over the back seat which put it in a way technically over her shoulders. Shifting his gaze to her face he noticed she didn’t seem aware of her actions as she aggravated Utah who was complaining about their flight already. He had to test it and absently flattened his hand out against the back of the seat which allowed his thumb to rest just close enough to brush her shoulder. The instant it did she snapped the band hard before those blues shifted to him, having the good sense to look innocent he motioned towards her actions with his chin. “You know that only works if you’re aware you are doing it right?”

“It’s a personal reminder more than a therapy.”

A brow lifted well at least she’d confirmed it was a form of therapy and he tilted his head some looking thoughtful, “I would ask but I imagine I’ll get the same answer as to the tattoo right?” The fact that she just smiled told him all he really needed there and he sighed, “Fair enough but just keep in mind I’m not Utah. I don’t give up so easily.” The more he didn’t learn about her the more he found himself intrigued, she was obviously highly intelligent which he knew could lead to issues that would require therapy in some cases but there was something about her behaviors that told him her intellect had nothing to do with the secrets she was keeping.

Settling back more into her seat Bodhi shifted his arm back some not wanting to crowd her anymore than he already had and she made a little thoughtful sound before she chuckled. “We’ll see about that then I guess won’t we?” Given the fact that she pulled out her phone and began to look through something Bodhi assumed it wasn’t a question meant for him to answer and turned his gaze out the window. This was turning into a very interesting trip and it was only just getting started. A sound caught his attention and he shifted his head at the same time she did in Utah’s direction, he was snoring head tilted back against the seat and out like a light. “At least one of us will get some sleep.”  She chuckled and those blues shifted back to him before she shrugged.

“Maybe next time I say something you’ll both listen instead of ignoring me.”

He could only sighed, he couldn’t lay back like Utah just a little too tall which meant he couldn’t scrunch into his seat and make it comfortable either. The longer he listened to Utah snore the more apparent it became that she hadn’t been kidding and he chuckled finally, “Yes ma’am.”

Smiling she absently laid her head against his shoulder and it took a moment or two before he caught a clue and leaned his head against her. Within a few minutes he was snoring as well and the passenger glanced back giving her a look. Rolling her eyes she  smiled, “These boys played just a little too hard last night. I’ll be nice and let them sleep while they can cause I know the only one who’ll be sleeping on the plane is me.” That got a good chuckle from the three of them before she settled back into checking her phone. An email pinged and she clicked it reading the message made her blood boil:

> _I’m hurt you threw away your gift, it was very expensive. Thankfully I had it retrieved. You know I don’t appreciate ungrateful behavior, Pet. Isn’t 5 years long enough for this little tantrum of yours? You don’t need that degree or job, I took care of you just fine. Don’t let your new “friends” make you forget who you really belong to, I don’t mind reminding you._
> 
> _-M_

Feigning sleep was the smartest thing he’d ever done, he listened as she spoke to their drivers and then peeked out from beneath his lashes once he heard her clicking at her phone again. The message he saw or what he saw of it made his jaw clench, pet? Her secretive behavior was starting to make sense if that name meant what he thought it did, Bodhi wasn’t dumb he knew more than a few within that lifestyle. Desi certainly didn’t seem like the type but she had enough secrets it seemed that he wouldn’t be surprised, that message wasn’t totally threatening more a veiled threat. He was going to have to keep his eyes on her and he absently shifted his head some against hers, a small measure of comfort he hoped as he closed his eyes again. 


	4. Blow Your Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything written like this “-words-” equals Spanish  
> Warnings: Angst (sort of)
> 
> Chapter title: Dua Lipa - Blow Your Mind (Mwah)

Utah hadn’t exaggerated, the plane ride was rough and they’d been discussing how they were going to get off the plane, out of the airport in San Tomé and to their destination while she snoozed. Desi was prepared though, a twenty minute warning from the pilot before arrival and she’d popped awake before digging into one of the duffel bags that had been placed on board with them. Dragging out three uniforms which matched the airport landing crew she tossed them at them.

“How in the hell did you get these, Des?”

Bodhi glanced at Utah when the question came, he was wondering the same thing. It was next to impossible to get uniforms like this unless you were an employee. She’d just smirked before beginning to slip into the jumpsuit easily enough over her own clothes, “A little faith cowboy, please..” She’d put the rest of her stuff back in the bag and moved them towards the rear hatch of the plane doing the same with their bags as well.

Watching Utah shake his head and start to slip on his Bodhi followed suit, this was insanity. There was no way whatever plan she had was going to work and zipping up the jumpsuit he huffed, “Esto es loco.” Utah chuckled before he instantly stopped and Bodhi shifted around to find those bright blues focused on him and he returned the hard stare. Chuckling she shook her head, “Hey it’s me or prison Bodhi, you choose.” The pilots gave the landing warning and she sat down in the spot nearest to her pulling out her phone and shutting it down for a few seconds before turning it back on.

His head tilted as he took his seat, he knew what she was doing. Resetting her location so it would work on the local cellular network but that was only if she had a chip that would do it. A moment later her phone beeped and she glanced at the screen smiling before typing something out and shoving it back into the pocket of her jumpsuit, “One we land grab a bag or two and follow me. Don’t look at anyone, don’t talk to anyone, just shut up and keep up. Understand?” There was only one answer to that much as it pained him to say it now, “Yes ma’am.” He wasn’t sure if he liked the way she smiled after he said that but her gaze shifted to Utah who made the same acknowledgement before he sat back in his seat. Bodhi kept his eyes on the petite brunette who looked far too pleased with herself.

The plane landed and once the doors opened she was moving, they followed suit, picking up bags and exiting the ramp just as other airport crew were walking towards them. One paused as he neared her reaching out to shake her hand and leaning into press a friendly kiss to her cheek. Bodhi strained to catch what was said between the two and was floored to discover he spoke to her in Spanish and she responded.

_“-Good to see you again, it will get you into the employee section. Locker room is second door to the right just leave it there, lockers are tagged with white stripes.-”_

_“-Good to see you too Miguel, tell Emilia I said hi. Got it. Thanks so much for the help.-”_

_“-Take care of yourself, Des.-”_

Well that was interesting, giving a sideways glance at Utah he had missed the exchange too busy trying to look as inconspicuous as possible which wasn’t working at all. A white boy stood out like a sore thumb but no one said a word to either of them. As they reached the doors he held his breath before she motioned them in closer and quickly swiped a key card into the lock. It beeped and turned green before she glanced at them and winked turning the handle, stepping inside. Utah was chuckling at what had to be the look on his face, she was crazy, brilliant but crazy.

Desi moved fast into the building and went directly to the door where Miguel had said the locker rooms were. Once the boys followed her she shut the door, “Alright get the jumpsuits off. Shove them into the bags with our stuff and put them each in one of the lockers marked with the white stripes.” She immediately stripped out of hers, walking to one of the lockers and popping it open easily enough. Dragging out a backpack and a helmet she quickly grabbed a few things from the duffle bag; a change of clothes, her electronics as well as a few other things before she closed the duffle bag and shoved it into the locker along with the uniform and the key card.

“Bikes? Aww, Des you shouldn’t have.”

Turning her attention towards Utah she shrugged, “Quickest way to get out of here, don’t forget to grab yourself some clothes out of your bags and whatever else you might need. Should be backpacks in your lockers too. Miguel will grab our stuff and having it waiting for us later.” That brought Bodhi to pause as he opened the locker grabbing out the backpack and helmet in his first, “Including our passports?”

She snorted softly, “Duh. Last thing we want is to get busted and them confiscate them.” Shutting the locker she wandered over to the door peeking out, straight to the parking lot and she could see the bikes waiting. Her phone beeped and she answered the call with a grin watching as the finished up.

> _“-Hey, yeah we’re just fixing to head out now. Yeah thanks so much I can see them, I’ll shoot you the money later once we get settled alright? Awesome, thanks again.-”_

Bodhi approached her and stood there, shifting his gaze out the window. They were nice bikes, speed bikes and not cheap. Turning his attention back to her he’d grabbed everything he needed and despite his reservations about it left his passport in the duffle bag as she’d stated. Resting a hand on the doorframe he took a chance and crowded her just a bit, “So you gonna tell us what’s next or is this more flying blind?” Her head shifted as she turned and he watched how she put her back against the door frame beneath where his hand rested, so she wasn’t freaked with him invading her personal space this way; interesting.

“Sure, time to go. Ready Utah?”

The sound of a locker shutting behind him drew his attention that way and by the time he turned back to her she’d moved out from under his arm slipping the backpack on. Pulling her hair from the messy ponytail she pushed the door open with her hip and stepped out casually braiding her hair back. His head tilted absently following behind her unable to help from taking in the view before a punch landed on his arm, shifting his gaze to Utah who just shook his head.

“Leave it alone, brother. I can promise it won’t go well.”

“What makes you say that?” He made the question a little under his breath and Utah chuckled as they neared the bikes. “She’s shut down every guy who’s tried for as long as I’ve known her and even a few women.” So she was avoiding a relationship, even a super casual one? Huh. He licked his lips absently and Utah shook his head, “Your funeral man.” The keys were in the ignitions and he looked it over before something occurred to him and he shifted his gaze to her, “Just two bikes?”

“Hey they aren’t cheap, besides don’t have any experience operating one.” Des wasn’t ashamed to admit that much. Utah went right for the one she knew he would, like a kid at Christmas. He’d told her once about getting to ride a Hayabusa and how much fun it had been, she’d promised to take care of them and this was just a small way to do it. She knew well if you kept your people happy well then they did their very best work. Turning her attention back to Bodhi she smiled, “So you gonna let me ride with you or you gonna make me ride with the toddler back there?”

“Hey!”

Oh the first comment that came to mind made him smirk and he could tell by the little glint of amusement in those blue eyes of hers she almost expected it. Shaking his head he threw a leg over the bike, “Come on. He gets a itchy on the throttle, wouldn’t want him to throw you off.” Adjusting his backpack to be flush against his back he held out a hand to help her as she straddled the bike behind him. “Let me guess Ciudad Bolivar?” He felt her settled before she chuckled, “Where else would we be going?” Nodding he put on his helmet waiting until she did the same before he felt her arms slip around his waist, holding tight but not too tight. So she’d definitely ridden before, her feet were already in the proper spot and he smiled absently. This was going to be very interesting indeed.

They took off exiting the airport and he followed the road signs towards their destination, of course Utah had to hot dog it just a little bit and he felt her hand lift pressing against the side of his helmet before a crackle came near his ear. So they were the good helmets after all, apparently she didn’t spare any expense; but where did the money come from? She hadn’t dressed like someone with a lot of money, didn’t act like it either. 

> _“And that’s why I didn’t want to ride with him.”_
> 
> _“He’s young, let him enjoy himself.”_
> 
> _“I know that but I’d prefer the safer option.”_
> 
> _“So the one who was on his way to prison for multiple felonies including murder is the safer option for you?”_
> 
> _“You have more to lose by screwing up than he does.”_

Well he couldn’t very well argue that, Bodhi would waste away in prison that much he was certain of. It was why death by going after that last wave had sounded much better.

> _“You’ve ridden before obviously so why haven’t you operated a bike yet?”_
> 
> _“Always preferred being a passenger, means I get to enjoy the scenery.”_
> 
> _“Visuals are important for you.”_

That didn’t get an answer and he knew he was right, she hid a lot behind that mask she was wearing. Keeping up appearances was all it really was, but it made him curious what all there was to hide. She had money somehow, connections here so he assumed that meant she had them at their other targets too, brains to pull off something he’d thought was impossible already and well he couldn’t discount she was beautiful too. As they got closer to their destination he had to speed up some to pass a vehicle, he felt her arms tighten around his waist and her legs tighten where they rested against his hips. It was an absent movement that he let go of the hand not holding the throttle and laid it over where her arms rested around him, giving her a pat to assure her she was okay.

Once he felt her relax his hand went back to the handle bars and he mentally shook himself; Desiree was a conundrum to him. She could go from completely hard assed to soft and gentle in nothing flat, yet something about her maybe the pretty blue eyes made him want to protect her and keep her safe. Bodhi was really starting to question having taken on this job, because he was already pretty convinced no matter what madness she had planned to pull of these jobs he would do it because if he didn’t she would. When they arrived in the city the crackle came into his ear again only it wasn’t the soft voice of his passenger.

> _“So where we going here, Des?”_
> 
> _“Casa Grande. Don’t get too excited, your just lucky places here are cheap.”_

Bodhi chuckled and followed the flow of traffic, he knew where the hotel was and it was probably one of the nicer ones short of a resort you could get. Pulling in the front drive he held out a hand to help her off knowing her legs were probably going to be a little weak, giving a nod when she took it and climbed off. Removing her helmet she motioned for them to stay put and set the helmet on her seat before heading inside. The speaker in his helmet crackled soon as she was out of sight.

> _“Still can’t believe she pulled that off.”_
> 
> _“I’ll admit it was crazy but apparently she does it well, do you even know how she managed that one Utah?”_
> 
> _“Nope, like I said this is her operation. Need to know and apparently I do not need to know.”_
> 
> _“Uh huh. She’s got history here that’s for sure.”_
> 
> _“…Think she used to come to Venezuela a lot with her ex.”_
> 
> _“Ex? Thought you said she wasn’t interested in a relationship.”_
> 
> _“He’s the reason why she’s not, she doesn’t talk about him but I get the feeling something bad went down between them.”_

Bodhi sighed yeah his suspicions were definitely coming to light more and more, he’d need to watch her a bit closer but he felt he was starting to get a better picture of Desiree. He thought about that email he’d seen her reading and frowned.

> _“There’s still something bad going down between them. On the car ride to the airport yesterday, I saw an email she was reading from him. It wasn’t exactly threatening but it wasn’t nice either.”_
> 
> _“What?”_
> 
> _“The part that worried me was him saying she shouldn’t let her new friends help her forget who she belonged to and that he’d be happy to remind her.”_
> 
> _“The fuck?! Forget who she belongs to? What kind of…”_
> 
> _“Hey, just let me handle it. I think I know what’s going on or at least some of it, way out of your wheelhouse brother. She’s worked hard to keep this all hidden, she obviously doesn’t want us to know so just keep acting like we don’t.”_
> 
> _“Fine, but if something comes up you’d better fill me in. She might be a hard ass sometimes but Des is good people, an old soul kind of like you.”_

Bodhi knew exactly what he was talking about and just gave a nod of his head when he spotted her coming back out of the lobby area. Once she grabbed her helmet and got it on he helped her back on behind him, kind of glad he’d gotten to spend this part of the trip close to her. He’d forgotten how nice it was to just share a ride with someone else and she’d made the perfect companion there, quiet but her presence was always felt. It made him wonder if that was part of the mask or how she was normally. Crackling in his ear made him shift his head as he started the bike back up.

> _“Rooms are on the left side of the building. Got a double for you two, single for me; there’s a connecting door so I can make sure you are up when you need to be.”_
> 
> _“Great, wait how come you get your own room and we have to share?”_
> 
> _“Cause I’m the one paying for it, Utah.”_

Chuckling he absently reached back and patted her thigh, guiding her arm back around him before he started off on the bike again. It was like dealing with kids sometimes but not, the brother-sister dynamic between her and Utah was kind of refreshing. He was more used to band of brothers, even with Samsara because she’d always been one of the guys; but this was amusing to say the least. Pulling up into the parking spots outside the rooms he turned the bike of and removed his helmet resting it on the handle bars. “I take it these are staying put since we gotta fly out of here to get to Canaima?”

Removing her helmet she let it hang in her hand next to her leg, “Don’t have to go to Canaima, root of the problem there is here.” Easing off the bike she wasn’t the least bit surprised that he offered her a hand to do so once again, at least he was well mannered. Stretching her legs absently she sighed before handing him the room key watching the expression on his face. Utah stepped up beside him with the same look and she laughed, “I said old stomping grounds for you two. We’ve got a few days, figured you’d want to go do your thing before we got down to business and the business is here in Ciudad Bolivar.”

Flashing them a grin she wandered over to her room and slipped the key card in before pushing the door open, “Just try to stay out of trouble and the connecting door stays unlocked, you plan on bringing someone back just hang a sock on the handle or something so I don’t get a surprise.” Blowing them both a kiss and shutting the door behind her she leaned back against it, well that wasn’t what she’d expected at all. Her thigh and her arms were still all tingly where he’d touched her, dammit. When was it going to stop? Ever? Slipping the backpack off her shoulders she wandered over dropping it onto the bed before she sat down on the edge of it, “Damn you Matt.”

He’d done this to her, made her this way and no matter how hard she tried it was next to impossible to forget or ignore it. Shaking her head she absently went about taking the braid out of her hair, catching the sound of the door next door opening before she heard Utah groan loudly. Giggling some she could just see his expression at two full size beds that were in that room, glancing back over her shoulder at the King she sat on she grinned.

They were big boys they could handle having the small beds. Running her fingers through her hair she really needed a shower and some downtime herself but there was still a lot to handle. Learning how to handle Bodhi was going to be a whole different animal, Utah was easy he gave her that big brother vibe but Bodhi most certainly didn’t. She should have just ridden with Utah she knew it but she couldn’t resist and now she was paying for it.  A cold shower was definitely on the menu as she absently rubbed the tattoo around her wrist while she wandered into the bathroom, softly repeating the meaning to herself, “ _You control you._ ” 


	5. Walk On Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything written like this “-words-” equals Spanish
> 
> Anything written like this “-*words*-” equals German
> 
> If you wanna see the visual I used for Matt just check out my Tumblr post with this chapter, linked an image there.
> 
> Chapter Title: 30 Seconds to Mars - Walk On Water

That first night they didn’t see hide nor hair of her, which sort of made Bodhi uncomfortable. They were a team after all and it just didn’t feel right leaving her behind anywhere, he’d never done it with his brothers. The second day they’d known she was still breathing only because when they woke up there was coffee and breakfast sitting on the table in their room but when he’d peeked into her room to thank her she wasn’t there. Glancing around the room for a moment he turned back to Utah with a ‘well?’ expression and his friend chuckled.

“Probably the pool, she has a thing about water.”

“No pool here, but maybe…” He snapped his fingers and nodded, “Mirador Angostura isn’t far, walking distance.” Grabbing a shirt he threw it on, slipping his feet into his sandals. Heading for the door he heard Utah chuckling behind him. Pausing he glanced back at him, “What?”

“You’re really gonna go find her just to thank her for breakfast? If she hasn’t made it obvious aside from each job we’re pretty much free to do whatever we want and she does the same.”

Bodhi sighed, “And that doesn’t bother you?” The look he got from Utah made him shake his head, “Did we ever split up before? With the others?” Mentioning them he knew would throw a serious wrench into Utah’s amusement at the whole conversation and he watched as he shook his head softly after a moment. “Exactly so why is that acceptable now, just because it’s Des and she’s the ‘boss’ of this? She’s part of our team yet every time we turn around she’s off on her own, always nearby but never including herself.” Taking a swig of his coffee he pulled the door open slipping his sunglasses on, “That’s gotta change and if she won’t make the effort then I will, as you should.”

Grabbing the room key off the table he held it up and grinned, “Besides if you wanna be able to leave and get back in, I’d suggested at some point you come find me.” Before Utah could protest he stepped out and shut the door. The walk to Mirador Angostura wasn’t bad least of all with a fresh cup of coffee and as it finally came into view he spotted her straight away. Settled on a large pile of rocks, sunglasses on with a large sun hat and dressed as she’d been at the party. Wandering over he shook his head, “So you were there that night.” Her head shifted barely and he saw her smile softly before her attention shifted back to where she’d been looking.

Climbing up he sat down behind her off to her left, “Thanks for breakfast.” When she merely gave a little ‘uh huh’ in response he sighed and chose instead to turn his gaze to where her’s seemed to be focused. A boat being loaded, nothing suspicious about it honestly there were small boats all up and down the water way but this one was where her focus was. “-Des, what are you doing?-” He chose to try Spanish hoping the change would at least encourage her to respond verbally to him.

“-Working.-”

The comment caught him off guard for a moment before he watched her hand lift like she was adjusting her glasses but being as close to her as he was, Bodhi caught a very distinctive clicking sound. It was a camera. These were different sunglasses than she’d worn the first day they’d met and now he knew why. “-Oh very clever.-” He shifted himself so that he was facing her more than the water that way they could talk without possibly being made, “-So what are they doing? Just looks like loading cargo to me.-” Taking a sip of his coffee he relaxed some letting his attention focus on her rather than what he knew she was looking at.

“-That’s the point, that’s what they want everyone to see.-” She shifted some adjusting the hat to where her glasses were more shielded from the sun. “-Truth is those containers are full of toxic components from various companies who’d much rather pay someone to illegally dump them than do things the legal way because it doesn’t cut into their bottom line.-” Her hand lifted again snapping another picture before she reached over beside her picking up a water bottle and taking a sip. Des could see the smile drop from his face and his head started to turn towards it, bringing her other hand up she caught his chin stopping him. “-Easy Bodhi, that’s why we’re here remember. We’ll get them, have a little faith in me.-”

The moment she’d said toxic components and illegal dumping his blood had begun to boil but the touch against his chin had made him pause. It was rare she made physical contact even with Utah it was usually coming from him towards her and not the other way around. He wasn’t about to waste it though, bringing up his hand he noticed she didn’t stiffen with surprise like she did normally when he took hold of her hand. So touching her when she could see it coming was okay, good to know. Pressing a kiss to the back of her hand earned him a little smile from her, “-Of course I have faith and so far you’ve not disappointed. It just makes me angry.-”

It was dumb to just let him hold onto her hand like that but it wasn’t threatening and it didn’t make her feel bad, so she let it be. Even going so far as to give his hand a squeeze before she smiled, “-And that’s how Utah convinced me we needed you for the team.-” Once she’d seen his wrap sheet Des had been adamant that he did not need to work with them, but several long conversations with Utah had changed her mind. Bodhi was the perfect person for their team, he was willing to do whatever necessary, he knew how to cover his tracks well and he wanted to help protect the planet as much as she did. Up until the landslide and the bank robbery no one had actually gotten hurt on anything he’d done so it wasn’t as if maiming or killing was his first goal. “-He said you knew he was a cop, did you really?-”

Bodhi smiled absently she wasn’t pulling her hand away, that was a good start. Thus far she’d broken physical contact almost as quickly as she initiated it so it seemed like things were going in a more positive direction. The comment made him chuckle, of course Utah had convinced her; if nothing else he knew how to talk to people when it came to important things. Her question got an eyebrow to lift, so he’d confided in her about their talk after the landslide had he?

“-Not at first but it didn’t take long to figure out, kept him on cause I was convinced I could save him, free him from it.-” His thumb casually began to rub against the back of her hand and that’s when he saw it, goosebumps began working their way right up her arm. Behind the shades his gaze shifted to her face, not a twitch or flicker of reaction anywhere. The mask was still there in full force, pity. “-Guess Karma is funny that way, I wanted to save him and he ended up saving me.-”

She mentally blinked at that sensation up her arm, it was such a simple thing but the reaction internally was anything but for her. How did he do it? When other people touched her that little voice in her head would constantly chide she was breaking a rule but they weren’t her rules. It was oddly silent with him though and Des wasn’t sure which was more unnerving. Still she focused on his words rather than his actions, he’d meant to save Utah?

It clicked then and she chuckled watching absently as the boat pulled away she’d already gotten enough pictures to know who she was looking for. “Bodhisattva, of course. How did I miss that?” Lifting her other hand she shifted the sunglasses down her nose some turning those blues attention completely towards him, “An enlightened one who forgoes nirvana in order to save others.” His ‘name’ suddenly made so much more sense and told her a lot more about him than Utah had.

He saw the boat out of his peripheral vision but obviously they were done there otherwise she’d have no switched back to English. Her question brought a genuine smile, not many had figured that one out and knowing she had told him a lot about her as well. “Very good,” he absently lifted her hand pressing another kiss to the back of it catching sight of those goosebumps moving further up her arm nearly to her shoulder but still nothing changed on her face. What had that ex of hers done to her? Moving to his feet he kept hold of her hand to help her up as well, “So am I to assume work is done for today?”

The praise made her stomach do a funny little flip flop and she mentally shook that feeling away. She didn’t need that, her gaze absently shifted down to her tattoo around her wrist and she repeated the words in her head. By the time she was able to rejoin the conversation he was standing still holding onto her hand she assumed to help her up, the rocks were a little unbalanced and rough. His question got a chuckled as she stood with his assistance, picking up her bag with her free hand and slipping it over her shoulder. “You assume correctly, I imagine you and Utah have big plans for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Not without you we don’t.”

She turned spotting Utah at the base of the rocks before her gaze shifted back to Bodhi who just smiled softly, “And what is that supposed to mean? I told you guys I’m fine with…”

He squeezed her hand then before starting down the rocks, politely guiding her so she didn’t slip or fall. When they were on the sand with Utah Bodhi let go of her hand, “That means we are a team. We go to together or not at all, so if we have plans then they should really include you too.” Making his way to Utah’s side he absently leaned his weight onto the other man’s shoulder with an elbow, “Especially considering she was out here doing recon without us.” He’d suspect while they were off playing that Des had been working but now he’d actually caught her.

“Des! Seriously? I thought we were a team, I mean I get leaving him out but me?”

She rolled her eyes at Bodhi, “Really? You’re gonna tattle on me?” He looked like a boy suddenly just amused at seeing a friend get in trouble at least until Utah called him out too and he punched him in the arm which somehow ended up in an impromptu wrestling match between the two of them. Shaking her head she began walking back towards the hotel and she was nearly back up to the road before they seemed to realize it and ran to catch up with her, “And then you two wonder why I don’t go anywhere with you.”

“Hey you love me, he’ll grow on you.”

Bodhi noticed that while Utah just hooked his arm around hers, her muscles tensed but when he on the other side offered his arm and she slipped her arm in it on her own she was calm. Yeah she most definitely had issues with touch without it being her choice. “Just having a bit of fun Des, have to put him in his place sometimes.” There was an offensive gesture from Utah which made her laugh before her phone beeped. Bodhi watched as she pulled it from her pocket and clicked the message, he didn’t see what was written but what he did see made his blood instantly run cold. It was a picture of the two of them not five minutes before where they’d been sitting, that was all he’d noticed though before she quickly blacked the screen.

Damn him! Of course he was still watching her or had someone watching her, it didn’t seem to matter where the hell she went lately. Either he was losing the end of his patience or he was starting to realize she wasn’t just throwing a tantrum, both were frightening prospects. Her whole body language shifted before she could help it and she unconsciously let go of both of them, “You’re both twelve I swear to god.” Desi made a beeline for the hotel room, not even attempting to keep up with their conversation if they were even having one. Once she reached her room she stepped in effectively slamming the door behind her. Pulling the message backup she stared at the picture, Bodhi was holding her hand and they were both smiling.

> _You should really tell your friend it isn’t nice to touch what doesn’t belong to him._

Grabbing her pillow she screamed into it just to get the frustration out, she had to get this job done. It was the only way, she’d never be free otherwise. It had been so nice, just sitting there with him holding her hand she’d missed affection like that; it was innocent. But not to Matt, to him it was a challenge and he was showing her he knew. Tossing the pillow back onto the bed she rubbed her wrist they were going to have to get the job done quicker than she’d planned on but it could be done.

Outside the hotel room door Utah glanced at him visibly confused, “What just happened?”

He huffed, all sense of amusement leaving his face, “Her ex. He’s stalking her.” Slipping the key card into their door he pushed it open and immediately moved to the adjoining door between their rooms, putting his ear to it. He could just barely make out the muffled scream and he shook his head moving away from the door, “I need you to distract her.”

“Stalking her, distract her? What the hell is…”

“Her phone I need to see her phone, you noticed she changed when she got that text yeah?” He waited for Utah to nod keeping his voice low, “I saw the text not the words that went with it but the picture, it was me and her not five minutes ago sitting out on those rocks. He’s here or he’s got someone here keeping eyes on her.” Running a hand through his hair he blew out a breath, “I need to see what the text said but I can’t do that with her there, so I need you to distract her.”

“Gotcha.”

Desi was trying to think through how they could quickly get this job over with and move on when she heard a loud bang come from next door followed by a yell. Dropping her phone on the bed she rushed to the adjoining door just in time for Bodhi to open it, “What happened?”

“Think he twisted his ankle or something, not sure. He was messing around as usual and fell.”

For his part Utah looked like was really hurt trying to pull himself up onto the bed and keeping all his weight off his left ankle. Desi immediately pushed past him and towards their ‘fallen’ friend helping him up onto the bed and laying into him about being careful. Giving him a thumbs up he slipped into her room making his way for the phone on the bed, the screen hadn’t gone to sleep yet so he snatched it up tapping it. The picture and message came back up making him sneer, she would kill him if she knew what he was about to do. Quickly he typed out a response:

> _Why don’t you come tell me yourself? We’re going to the block party tonight._

Before he could second guess himself he hit send and stood there chewing on his lower lip. He would have to delete the messages whether he responded or not, it was the only way he could possibly keep her from knowing he’d done it. A moment later the screen lit up and he smirked despite himself.

> _Very well._

He took a moment to forward the picture to his own number, despite how it had happened it was still a good picture of them. Probably the only one that would ever exist before he deleted the messages and set the phone back down. Turning to make his way back into the other room the first thing he heard was her.

“Oh you little faker!!!”

Peeking around the doorway he watched as she pummeled Utah with a pillow, guess the game was up and he gave him a thumbs up as he wandered back in. Watching as Utah laughed and finally snatched the pillow from her jumping from the bed in the same motion. Leaning back against the dresser Bodhi shook his head and just pointed at him when Desi leveled those blues in his direction. “Don’t look at me, his idea.” Utah threw the pillow back at her laughing softly.

“Oh come on Des, we were having fun for once and then you went all serious on us again. Had to get you out of there somehow.”

She huffed and climbed off the bed heading towards her door before she caught Bodhi moving to intercept her, his hand held out a moment longer than necessary before he place it on her upper arm. He didn’t grab or squeeze he just rested it there to pause her from moving as he leaned against the door frame and she lifted her gaze to look at him.

“We’re gonna go do our thing for a little bit but when we come back you should be ready to go.” The way her forehead and nose crinkled at his comment made him smile and reached up lightly booping her on the nose, “We weren’t kidding you are part of this team. I get it that you need your space but we’re going to the block party tonight some locals invited us and you are coming too.” He could see the refusal working its way to her mouth and he shook his head giving her a little smile, “-Come on Blue. You gotta relax sometime, where better than with us? I promise I’ll keep him on his best behavior.-”

It wasn’t a good idea, not at all. Being out in public at a party with them, no Matt wouldn’t like that and he’d already made it obvious he was watching. It was that line of thought coupled with the new nickname he called her that forced her brain down a whole new path, “-You’re serious aren’t you?-” When he just continued to smile and gave a little nod of his head she sighed heavily, “-Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.-” That smile on his face widened into a grin before he leaned in slowly almost like he was giving her time to shift away before he pressed a kiss to her forehead and shifted back turning his attention to Utah.

Heading into her room she shut the adjoining door and leaned against it, what had she done? Walking over she picked up her phone and unlocked it, the text message was gone. Blinking a few times she shook it off, maybe she’d hit delete by accident when she’d been startled by that bang. Utah that idiot, shaking her head she had to smile; he was like the little brother she’d never had or wanted but still she cared. Setting the phone down again she shook those thoughts away, too late now anyway. Maybe a nap would help before she would have to start getting ready. Stretching out on the bed she kicked off her flip flops and set an alarm on her phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A knock on the door just as she stepped out of the bathroom startled her a little before the adjoining door between their rooms opened and Bodhi’s head popped through, glancing one way and then the other till he spotted her.

“Ready to go?”

Sighing she finished with pulling her hair up the way she wanted it, Des was still annoyed somehow she’d lost her second hair tie and had to use the one on her wrist. That was going to make for a very long night but there was no way in this heat she was leaving her hair down. “Ready as I’ll ever be I guess,” glancing down at her attire she sighed. Sandals, jean shorts that stopped at her hips and an off the shoulder baby blue belly shirt were the best she could do under the circumstances. At least it wasn’t enough to draw her too much unwanted attention, she hoped.

He held out his hand to her pretty sure so long as contact was her choice she would take it and wasn’t disappointed when she placed her hand in his. Smiling he didn’t hesitate however to suddenly spin her around, tilting his head to take in the view of her outfit before he stopped her and grinned big. “You look lovely, come on let’s go before Utah blows a blood vessel.”

“I heard that, asshole!”

He rolled his eyes amused by the giggle that came from her before she held up a finger indicating one minute. Releasing her hand he watched as she snatched up her phone and room key card slipping them into her back pocket before she made her way back to where he stood. Offering her his arm he lead her out into their room before they headed out the door together to a very impatient Utah practically wearing a hole in the concrete. “Easy tiger, we still have to walk there though I think he might run.”

“Haha, Des. You look great, glad you’re coming out with us. This is how it should be.”

She shook her head at the two of them, “You two really are something else.” Walking along it was nice with Bodhi at her side, the three of them laughing and talking as they made their way to where all the music and noise was coming from. The city was actually something really special it was why she’d taken such a love to it when she’d first come there. The brightly colored houses, everything sort of blended together so perfectly with the old colonial styles; Ciudad Bolivar was just as special as Angel Falls. They wandered the streets listening to the various bands playing here and there, pausing at a stand to grab snacks and drinks here or there.

Desi was glad that Bodhi indicated he was only having the one drink, at least until she took a sip of her own and coughed. No wonder he was only having one, they were strong no doubt about that. Her reaction got a chuckle from Utah whom she promptly smack on the arm before they continued on. Pausing at a stand selling little sea shell baubles she was looking things over before she heard Bodhi say something, glancing at him she noticed him looking around. “Oh where did he go now?”

He shook his head feigning not knowing but he did, they’d discussed it all while they’d been out. Bodhi wasn’t dumb he was going to need Utah’s eyes to help keep an eye on things after what he’d done. “Not sure, let me go find him. Don’t wander too far okay?” He lifted a hand within her line of sight gentle placing it against her arm and giving it a little rub before he wandered off.

She nodded smiling at his gesture before he was gone and her attention turned back to the seashell stand. It hadn’t have been a few minutes when she felt someone behind her and for just a split second thought Bodhi had wandered back for something. Before she could even turn around to ask what though another voice spoke.

“So where’s your new friend, pet?”

Des blood turned to ice instantly and she licked her lips absently before turning around to face the person that voice belonged to. He looked the same maybe just a smidge older for obvious reasons than the last time she’d seen him in the flesh and those crystal blue eyes she used to think were so warm felt like ice to her now. “Matt…” Forcing herself to breath she stepped away from the stall giving herself a little more space from him. “He’ll be right back, he just went to find our wayward friend.” God she really hoped Bodhi would be right back, she was doing her level best to seem unaffected by his presence but truth be told she was scared to death.

Looking at him one wouldn’t know what a dangerous man he was, but she did in spades did she know. It was weird how the innocent looking ones turned out to be the most dangerous while men like Bodhi who looked like danger walking were more or less harmless unless pushed to it. He smiled and she unconsciously put her hands behind her back, only to realize too late she didn’t have her hair band around her wrist it was in her hair! Cursing her luck she did the only thing she could think of, gripping her wrist with her other hand, nails digging it. The pain helped keep her focused.

“You don’t look very happy to see me. Haven’t you missed me, pet?”

“No not really,” she could be honest at least even if saying it made her stomach drop. “And please stop calling me that, I am not your pet not anymore.” That didn’t help either but it had to be said though she’d said it over and over again in the first few years that she’d left him. “I’d have thought two years of radio silence you’d have gotten that message by now.” Des had to be strong, she had to be otherwise she’d just crumble. This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to come out, give him an opportunity to catch her alone even in a public place it didn’t matter.

“Now who said that you got to decide that?”

Her nails dug in harder and she forced herself to breath, keeping her emotionless mask in place. “I did, once I realized you weren’t good for me or to me.” Squeezing her fists tight behind her back she was sure her heart was going to beat out of her chest, “I was the Sub after all and it’s amazing what you learn when you start talking to people who know what that really means. I make the rules.” She knew he wasn’t going to like that, he’d done his level best to keep her in the dark there because the longer she was in the dark the easier he could control her. He took a single step towards her and before she could even attempt to step back a figure moved into view to her right.

He’d been watching, hadn’t even gotten fifteen feet away before the guy stepped up to her and he knew instantly by the way her body language screamed it had to be her ex. He looked harmless enough at least to Bodhi but Desi’s body language spoke volumes. The moment her hands went behind her back he noticed the same thing she did, no hair tie. Seeing her nails curl into her skin he knew he had to do something. Moving through the crowd he circled them hoping to catch her eye but she was hyper focused on the other man until he finally began to approach from her right. “Hey I found him,” he moved straight up close to her side and slipped his hand behind her prying her hand from her wrist and slipping his hand into hers giving it a squeeze. “Oh sorry didn’t mean to interrupt something.”

She exhaled slowly when he moved in and spoke, feeling his hand slip into hers and squeeze it behind her back. He was giving her a way to exercise her anxious energy without leaving herself bleeding. “Oh great…” Thankfully now she didn’t have to force a smile, she was genuinely happy Bodhi had arrived. His comment was absolutely perfect for more reasons than she imagined he even knew, he was breaking the sort of spell that seemed to happen whenever she was face to face with Matt without making her feel weak; it was awesome. “Oh that’s fine just an old friend is all, Bodhi this is Matt Haas.” He most certainly wasn’t her friend and she could see in his eyes the offense he took to being called that but she didn’t have to care anymore at least she’d said friend and not something worse.

He held out his right hand to the man who looked hard but there was a twitch in his cheek when she called him an old friend, yeah Des had most definitely just pissed in his cheerios. “Nice to meet you man.” There was a second of hesitation before his gaze finally moved from Des to him and Bodhi saw the realization in his eyes instantly. Matt didn’t even look like a threat to him, at least 2 inches shorter and about fifty pounds lighter but he did finally reach out and shake his hand trying to put some strength behind it. Bodhi smirked squeezing back and watching that little crinkle of lines around his eyes as he registered the pain.

“Bodhi.. I know that name. Didn’t  ** _we_  **see him in that surfing competition... “

Desi hated how he used  _‘we’_  because she knew precisely what he was talking about there, trying to imply their relationship without coming right out and saying it. “Yeah about seven years ago in Maui.” When the two released their hands she noticed how red Matt’s looked and had to keep herself from grinning. Bodhi had put a little bit of a hurt on him, she was going to have to thank him for that somehow. Her gaze shifted to Bodhi’s face who looked thoughtful for a moment before he glanced at her.

“You were there? You hadn’t mentioned it.” He remember that competition, it had just been a way to get some cash. An easy win and nothing that would draw attention to him, just a little local circuit. So she’d been to Maui too then, obviously with this douche by the way he’d said  _‘we’_. Oh he knew exactly what he was trying to imply but chose for Desi’s sake to ignore it. “Haas, that’s German right?” His gaze shifted to Desi and he smiled, “I already know you speak Spanish let me guess you speak German too?”

“Yeah born and raised in Germany.”

Matt answered his question like it was some sort of badge of honor and she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She shrugged at his question, “It was so long ago I’d totally forgot. Did a lot of traveling around back then.” She squeezed his hand when that question came directed towards Matt before she shook her head when he directed it towards her too. “No, just Spanish and French fluently and enough Italian to get by.” A loud whistle suddenly caught her attention which drew both men’s too and she glanced past Matt to see Utah holding up a very large drink with a smile like a kid at Christmas, “Oh no.” Glancing at Bodhi, “Please tell me he hasn’t already drank one of those?”

So she didn’t speak German but he did, that was good. When their attention was drawn off by Utah he had to stop from chuckling before Desi’s question came and he made a face, “Not sure. I found him with one earlier and that looks like it but he could have just gotten it refilled.” He squeezed her hand behind her back before letting his fingers trail up her back just enough that she would know their destination before they came to rest on her shoulder, “Want me to go while you talk or would you rather deal with our wayward charge?”

She sighed heavily when he said he’d found him with one earlier before that squeeze came to her hand. Was it a set up? Surely Utah wouldn’t get that plastered the night before they had a job to do? When his hand moved up she was thankful for the warning he managed to sneak into it before it rested against her shoulder and she focused her attention towards him. Stay and talk to Matt or go wrangle Utah? Easiest question ever. “He’s my responsibility not yours. I’ll go deal with him.” Briefly shifting her attention towards Matt she forced a smile, “Goodbye, Matt.” She didn’t hesitate to step between the two making a beeline for Utah and snatching him by the ear as she started to drag him off.

Bodhi took the moment Matt was distract by her leaving them to step in and when his attention turned back to him, he had to lift his head up just a tad to look him in the face. “-*Not sure what you’ve done to her, but I can promise you she’s changing it and I’m gonna be right there to make sure she succeeds.*-” He could see it then the way Matt’s eyes hardened at him but it still didn’t scare him. Sure he had money if he was able to travel all over the world with her and track her as he had obviously been doing, but money wasn’t everything. “-*Subs make the rules, if you don’t get that you’ve got no place having one.*-” Forcing a smile he gave him a good hard pat on the shoulder along with a squeezing making sure the action got a wince out of him before he let go, “Enjoy the party.”

Desi was hyper focused on Utah who assured her the cup was empty and just a prop so she didn’t even see the whole exchange all she knew was that Bodhi was standing beside her once more. “You two are impossible,” obviously they’d figured out something was going on and she mentally chided herself for not being more careful. He held out his arm to her and she took it with a sigh, “I need a drink now, a real drink please.”

“I think I’ve got just the place.”

Bodhi nodded at Utah and gave her hand a soft pat where it rested on his arm, “So let’s go and then we can all sit down to have a nice long talk about keeping secrets.” She stiffened just a little and he shifted his gaze to her before he leaned in slowly pressing a kiss to her temple and speaking softly below the roar of the music as it picked back up around them. “-You’re good but you’re not that good, he’s not gonna let up so we need to talk and plan.-” Those blues when a little wide before he smiled softly and gave her a wink, “-Told you Blue, we’re a team, we look out for each other and we’re on your side; I know you don’t need me to defend you but I’ll be there to support you.-” Another whistle broke them out of that little moment, Utah already a good ways away waving them to come on so he started walking with her.


	6. Diary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, Fluff
> 
> Anything written like this “-words-” equals Spanish
> 
> Chapter Title theme song: Alicia Keys - Diary

She’d at least been forthcoming about the current job once they’d grabbed some food, beer and gone back to the guys shared room. They gone through the pictures she’d taken and she had explained the whole set up. There were still some things she’d kept to herself, like her contact for one and just how they were going to handle the toxic material but she’d assured them everyone locally would be grateful not to mention the US government would love to be able to black ball that particular company from doing business with any US companies again. Picking up her beer she glanced at it, was this number three or four? Between talking and eating she’d sort of lost count before Utah announced he needed to go unwind a bit and headed out.

Pushing out of her chair she started towards her own room only to be stopped by an arm crossing in front of her at the doorway. Blue eyes shifted towards Bodhi’s dark ones and she raised a brow, “What? I talked, told you guys about this job. What more do you want?” Ducking under his arm she slipped into her room but his hand caught the door before she could shut it behind her. Sighing heavily she kicked off her sandals, “I don’t wanna talk about it Bodhi.”

He shook his head licking his lips, “Too bad cause we’re going to talk about it.” Making his way over he sat down on the bed taking another swig of his beer. He’d made sure whenever hers started getting too low for his liking he’d replaced it with another, if nothing else alcohol tended to loosen lips. Desi however seemed immune and if he had to guess she was used to stronger stuff. She didn’t however seem concerned in the slightest about changing out of her outfit in front of him. Tilting his head absently he watched as she stripped out of the shorts and shirt, her back facing him of course which gave him a good view of the ink there. “It’s a cover up.”

Blinking she paused glancing back at him in the mirrors reflection, “Pardon?”

He motioned towards her lower back, “That night at the beach when I saw you during the party, I spent forever trying to figure out what that ink was… now I can see it’s a coverup job.” Finishing off his beer he set the empty bottle on the floor next to his foot, “That’s why I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.” Resting his arms on his knees he watched as she slipped on a simple but lovely night gown, dark blue like her eyes which sort of made him smile. “What was it?” Bodhi had a good idea given the size of the cover up, it wasn’t huge so it couldn’t have been something big.

She started back towards the bed when he shifted his posture upright and held out his hand to her. It was a bad idea, an epically bad idea but there was that little tiny part of her that couldn’t resist. Placing her hand in his she was certainly surprised when he pulled her down straddle one of his thighs, “Bodhi.. I think you’ve had too much to drink.” That was the first line of thought that came to mind at least until she looked at his face, he didn’t look drunk; he didn’t even look buzzed. His grip on her hand tightened just a little bit and she held her breath, “I covered it up. What does it matter now what it was? And it looks like crap because it was a rush job.”

“Not even buzzed.” He waited until she looked at him, before she finally tried not answering him again. Shaking his head lightly he stared at her, still not a crinkle of a tell in her face. Releasing his hold on her hand he eased his arm around her waist, holding her a little more firmly in place but not so fast as to startle her. His other hand lifted brushing some of her hair back gently behind one ear before he locked eyes with her. “-Drop it, Blue. And don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. You want me to trust you, then I need to see you; not this mask.-”

She wasn’t sure what was worse the way he was holding her there or how unawkward it actually felt. It wasn’t until he switched languages on her that it threw her concentration and she blinked owlishly at him for a moment, drop it? He wanted to see her? It had been longer than five years she’d let anyone see her, the real her; did that Desi even still exist? Licking her lips absently she closed her eyes and she felt his fingertips brush along her cheek. How long had it been she’d been allowed to let anyone touch her that wasn’t him? Thinking of him brought that run in earlier rushing back and without the carefully constructed mask in place she felt it far stronger than she had then. Finally her lashes lifted and she stared at him, “-Is this what you wanted to see?-”

At first he thought maybe she was ignoring him or at least trying too but then he felt it. Tension instantly gathered in her back and spread through her, like the tension he’d seen earlier when she’d been face to face with her ex. Unconsciously his arm tightened around her and when her eyes finally opened he felt, well to be honest he felt like he’d been punched in the chest. Those bright blues that had reminded him of deep ice with their hardness were so much softer, he could see hurt, loneliness and pain there. The instant he noticed them starting to well up he hugged her tight, using his other hand to cradle the back of her head to his shoulder. “-It was his name wasn’t it?-”

There was no help for it once she let it come through she knew she would cry, she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury in so long because she’d had to be strong. It was the only way she could do it; walk away and start over all on her own. It was the only way to live without the things she’d become so accustomed too; therapy thanks to a friend with a psychology degree had helped she’d given her ways to cope better. Her arms instinctively slipped around him, squeezing tight as he held onto her, he didn’t seem to mind the fact that she’d literally melted down in his arms. The question wasn’t really a question she knew if he got that specific he already knew the answer, “-Yes.-” Sniffling softly she shifted her head, tucking it against his neck, “-I was trying to make amends after I left the first time.-”

Smoothing his hand against her back he sighed, he’d expected something different but seeing how hard she fell apart Bodhi could appreciate now why she wore the mask. She couldn’t function like this, no one would take her seriously; it was survival for her. When she confirmed what he’d thought he had to bite back his first reaction because then she gave him more. ‘-You’d left once before? Why did you go back?-” It confounded him, obviously she was aware it wasn’t a healthy relationship and she despite her current appearance she seemed like a very strong woman. She was smart and very people oriented as much was obvious by how easily the locals had warmed to her from previous visits. He didn’t want to let her go but he also wanted to try to make her more comfortable, so he used the arm around her waist to lift her and adjusted her to where she was properly sitting in his lap.

He gave her time to think about how to properly answer that question, she could hear the incredulity in his voice. Desi couldn’t blame him, looking back now she should have stayed gone; it would have saved her a lot of pain. She only stiffened a little when he lifted her before she realized he was merely adjusting her so she was more steady in his lap which helped ease that twisting feeling in her guts. “-I got word from home that my mother was dying, Matt didn’t want me to go. I couldn’t not go, so I left and went home.-” God that had been awful, she’d cried and cried the whole flight home thinking she’d committed the ultimate act of betrayal by leaving him even though he told her not to go. “-My mom passed about 3 months later and then well, my dad… he couldn’t go on without her. I tried to help him, to take care of him but he just wanted her, he passed about 9 months after she did.-”

Listening as she began to explain he gritted his teeth in order to keep the first commented he wanted to make back, the next time he saw him he was going to knock him out. He’d actually told her she couldn’t go be with her dying mother? And then she’d had to deal with losing her father as well? All by herself, it was heartless in the most extreme sense of the word he’d ever heard. If he’d really cared for her at all, he’d have been right there with her; supporting her through it. He took a slow deep breath forcing that anger down before he finally spoke, “-And the tattoo?-” There was more to that story he knew it, had to be and he wanted all of it. Who knew how long it would be before he could get her to open up again, it was draining for her; Bodhi could see it. Tears slipped down her cheeks but she didn’t even seem aware, lifting a hand he brushed a few away.

Sighing she took a slow breath at his question, “-I had to find him once I came back. He travels alot, one night I was really afraid that if I found him he wouldn’t want me anymore because I’d disobeyed him so I decided to prove my loyalty.-” That had been the dumbest decision ever though it had earned her way back into his good graces for a time, he’d been very pleased she’d gotten his name permanently place on her body. Considering most of her wardrobe always showed her lower back it meant anyone who saw her would know who she belonged to. “-It worked, he forgave me. But he made it a point from then on to remind me of it, that I belonged to him and no one else.-” Letting it all out was exhausting, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about any of it; not even her therapist friend. Emily would have likely hunted him down and shot him herself if she knew half of it.

Sighing he leaned his head against her, “-He didn’t deserve your loyalty Blue.-” No not even a little bit. He’d been right, she was a good girl and her ex had used it against her like a weapon. Yeah he wanted to hurt him something awful now, in the worst ways because seeing how badly it messed her up made Bodhi angry. Clearing his throat finally he straightened up, brushing her hair back from her face and cradling her cheeks between his hands, “-You know better now, right? You’ve educated yourself?-” He really didn’t feel the need to specify there but he watched her expression carefully. She was cracked but not entirely broken, there was still some things that could be done to make her whole again.

The tears were wearing off finally the last few she was sure he’d just wiped away before he cradled her cheeks between his hands. “-Yeah, I’ve learned it’s why I won’t go back.-” Leaning into his grasp she rested her cheek against one hand and sighed, “-I’d rather die than go back to life like that.-” It was true, five years of forced solitude because she couldn’t trust herself not to make the same mistakes. It was hard to break old habits and even if she was better armed with the knowledge that had been denied her before, it still didn’t make putting herself out there any easier. One of his hands shifted smoothing over her back in a soothing gesture it was nice to be able to let someone touch her and that little horrible voice not screaming at her.

Hearing her say she’d rather die just hardened his resolve, Bodhi most definitely meant what he said to her ex. He would make sure she escaped him, even if he had to step in himself to make sure that happened. Part of her putting herself back together though he knew was she needed to shoulder as much of it as she could, it would give her the confidence back she had been robbed off. Enough he hoped eventually that she wouldn’t need that mask anymore. It was his turn to be surprised when she shifted some in his lap before wrapping her arms back around his neck and hugging him tightly, returning it Bodhi had to smile a little despite the conversation they’d just had. “Supposed we’d both better get some rest, at least we can be well rested for tomorrow.”

Hugging him was all she could really think to do right then, it sort of held her together a little when his arms tightened around her. Aside from the tackle hugs from Utah it had been an equally long time since she’d hugged anyone willingly. Sure others hugged her but it didn’t mean she initiated it, Des had almost forgotten how nice a good hug was. At his comment she chuckled and nodded, “Yeah Utah is gonna be…” Her comment trailed off when they both heard the door in the guys rooms open followed by a girlish giggle. Rolling her eyes she glanced at Bodhi who groaned and let his head fall against her shoulder. Giggling she patted his back, “Can you behave yourself?”

Of course Utah would go out and bring a girl back, Bodhi would say he was surprised but that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t lacking in the company department obviously but the fact that they had a job to do tomorrow and he was doing it tonight kind of grated on him. At her question he lifted his head and raised a brow at her, “Offering to let me bunk with you, Blue?” His gaze was drawn to the adjoining door when it closed with a sock on the handle, “Or I can sleep outside, cause I am not going in there.”  Glancing back behind him at the large bed he smiled, “-I can sleep on top of the covers if it makes you more comfortable.-” She didn’t seem terribly uncomfortable with him at the moment, rather she seemed more relaxed than he’d ever seen her.

“I wouldn’t dream of making you sleep outside, though I can’t say that won’t always be the case on this job.” Seeing the door close had sort of cemented the fact that Bodhi was staying in her room and she made a mental note to remind Utah if he meant to do that often, he was going to have to start paying for his own room. Shifting off his lap she ignored the sensation of his hand sliding down her back till she was standing on her feet again, sleep she had to focus on sleep. “-I trust you can be grown up about it.-” Making her way around to the side she normally slept on she watched him move to the opposite before he removed his shoes and his shirt. Okay, so maybe she was going to have to be the grown up because she wasn’t expecting that view. Shaking it off she pulled the covers back and climbed in doing her level best to get comfortable.

He chuckled before shifting to his feet as well wandering over to his side of the large bed. Getting comfortable he could feel her looking at him and he bit back a grin, well at least the ex hadn’t completely killed her desire to notice other men. Bodhi hadn’t been actively trying to get her attention that way, he’d approached her more like he often had Samsara; she needed a friend and someone to confide in. It opened up other avenues though with Desi and as he climbed into bed he laid back staring at the ceiling, mulling over what all he’d learned. Feeling her shift and twist next to him he finally chuckled and sighed, reaching over he laid a hand against her back. “-You do realize being the grown up means you can come over here if you want too, I won’t bite...unless of course you ask.-”

She sighed when she felt that hand against her back before he spoke, oh so that's how this was going to go. Shaking her head absently she finally shifted over and moved settling herself next to his side, immediately aware of his arm sliding beneath the pillow where her head was. “Well I didn’t want to assume,” she could have just left it alone but he was being cheeky. “...and biting won’t do you any favors just an fyi.” Settling herself in she closed her eyes before she felt him take hold of her hand bringing it to rest on his chest, the steady beat lulled her to sleep faster than anything had in years.


End file.
